Struggles

It has been weeks since I last wrote anything, let alone attempted a blog. As I type this now, the words are blurred on the screen and I’m missing keys. You see, I’m tired. The Easter holidays have hit the seaside harbour town where I live, Spring has sprung apparently, although someone needs to tell the weather, because it’s still cold enough to make me hold on to my scarf and coat for a while longer.

Because Easter has happened, tourists have happened too. This week has seen the place where I live transformed, from a sleepy, cold and quiet town with most of the shops closed and not much going on or many people around; to a bustling hive of people everywhere rushing around shopping, walking, cycling, beach-going, speedboat riding, drinking, eating and general holiday madness. It always seems a shock when it happens, after a long winter when it felt like we would never feel the warmth of the sun again, along comes a boost, with the spring equinox and a jump forward in time when the clocks are changed at the end of March.

We are greeted with a period of hope. Flowers like snowdrops and crocuses start poking their heads out of the gloom, joined later by daffodils and primroses, the colour yellow reminding us that the sun (that other yellow thing often forgotten about in winter months) will soon be radiating her heat and energy for us once again, lengthening our days and making us feel good.

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And so now I find myself, in the most inspiring, transitional seasonal shift of the year, when my writing should be flowing and my quest for enlightenment should be blossoming; yet I find myself working a lot, and being too darn tired to do any writing at all. Here lies one of the major obstacles in my life that I may have mentioned previously: the daily grind, slaving away in the monotonous routine system of tasks that have to be done in order to pay those horrible bills.

It’s tough finding a connection to anything on those days, let alone one with ‘spirit’. It has been difficult enough for me to muster up energy to do routine tasks at home after a day at work, let alone find inspiration to write anything. I am trying though, really I am.

So this is about the struggle I have when weary with the grind; to be creative, to find inspiration, and to write. Also, how on earth am I supposed to find my spirit, when all I can think about is sleep, and what time the alarm has to be set for tomorrow?

We had the spring equinox a few weeks back, which was extra special this year because it coincided with a partial solar eclipse on the same day. I was excited, I saw it as a perfect opportunity to affirm my positive intentions and ambitions for the year ahead and to make a really good effort to see this as a turning point in my life, a new beginning, a new me, one who is more positive, more creative, more spiritual and therefore, a better version of me.

My daughter and I dragged ourselves out of our warm cosy beds before sunrise on equinox day and took a walk along our local trail along the estuary where the river meets the ocean. We wanted to watch the sun come up on this special day. On any other day, the Earth’s axis is always tilted at an angle of about 23.5° in relation to the ecliptic, the imaginary plane created by the Earth’s path around the Sun, but equinox day is one of two days of the year when the tilt of the Earth’s axis is perpendicular to the Sun’s rays. This means that dawn, when night becomes day, happens before the sun actually rises in the sky.

When we arrived at the trail, the light was just creeping into the sky above us. The water was serene and still as a mirror, there was an atmospheric mist all across it. The birds had begun their dawn chorus and the air was so fresh and crisp you could feel it filling your lungs.

Just after sunrise across the Camel estuary
Just after sunrise across the Camel estuary

There was a slight frost on the ground, my daughter occupied her time taking photographs (she is a creative soul too). We waited for the sun to reveal her glowing face to us above a hill to the east, although it had already been light for a while. When she did, I was enveloped in a feeling of awe (It’s not often I get to experience a sunrise, I like my sleep too much). I closed my eyes and turned upwards towards it so I could feel the rays on my cheeks (just). It was then that I felt close to spirit, close to nature, at one with it there on that peaceful special morning, in the morning haze of an equinox full of hope and ambition. It was simple that day.

Equinox Sunrise
Equinox Sunrise

A couple of hours later we took a drive out to a local beach and watched the partial solar eclipse, this time I was accompanied by both of my children, which made it all the more special. We were fortunate to have some fabulous sunshine that morning (which is more than can be said for most of the rest of the country from what I hear) but we were treated to a nice haze of cloud that came over half way through, just enough to obscure the glaring glow and allow us to look right at the wonder happening in the sky above us.

Partial Solar Eclipse 20.3.2015
Partial Solar Eclipse 20.3.2015

I and both my son who is twenty years old and my daughter who is fourteen, found this spectacle amazing, but we were all three of us struck by how the rest of the people on the beach that morning, or the majority of them at least, were not actually that amazed at all. They all just seemed to be going about their day as though nothing was happening, there was even a girl who parked up at the beach and fell asleep in her car! What is wrong with these people? We said to each other, in utter disbelief.

I was reminded again of those words from the Shamans in the rainforest: these are examples of people who’ve ‘lost their connection with spirit’. It saddened me a little but also made me more determined to deepen my connection still. My photos obviously are not great quality, and do not do any justice to what we actually experienced that day. The day inspired something in me though, I can feel it still.

I made my affirmations that day, and I intend to stick to them, I chose that day as a time to begin my creative re-birth if you like, a soul-searching inner feeling sparked my connection to spirit and now I have to work at allowing it to keep shining. The journey has only just begun, and some days I really find it a struggle. I am trying to find time to meditate every day, even if just for a few minutes at the end of the day, to clear my mind so I can sleep. That’s another blog entirely though, for now, I need to get back to my struggles – a day to relax tomorrow then another full week of work. Come on spirit … give us a hand will you?

PEACE J

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